Ending the guilt cycle

Is there a gene called Guilt, do you think, that turns on at birth, particularly if you are a woman? And this gene, I believe, gets much stronger if you become a mum! The whispers on your shoulder of ‘I should have not allowed my children to be on so many screens’, or ‘why didn’t I say what I really thought rather than keeping the peace’, or even ‘I can’t go for a walk now because I have to prepare dinner, get the kids to sports and read those board papers’. Guilt, guilt, guilt.

And not only that, we then want a healthy lifestyle and In the pursuit that, we often find ourselves setting ambitious goals, particularly at this time of year! Exercise more, eat better, get to bed earlier – only to feel disheartened when life throws curveballs. The familiar pang of guilt creeps in when we fall short, leading to a cycle of self-criticism that does more harm than good.

Understanding the Impact

I wanted to take a moment to really bring to life the toll this self-criticism and guilt takes. Where ever it comes from, it impacts both our bodies and mind.

The psychological effects of beating ourselves up over unmet goals creates a breeding ground for stress, anxiety, and a plummeting sense of self-worth. That awful voice of ‘See, you just aren’t good enough!’ repeating in our heads and our souls. And to make matters worse, our lives these days are attached to social media which amplifies this guilt because there are never ending photos of friends who we all think ‘have it together’ or ‘clearly they can do it why can’t I?’. Not helpful at all because we also know, it’s a load of bull.

But the impact isn’t just mental; it's physiological too. Chronic guilt triggers the release of cortisol, disrupting our sleep, affecting metabolism, and influencing our overall well-being. The hormonal and chemical cascade that takes off in our bodies works against any positive health changes we are trying to make. Nightmare!

Breaking the Cycle

Right, so how do we get out of this guilt cycle?

First up, we need to look at the the unrealistic expectations we set. As powerful business leaders, we know we can achieve. It’s how we got to where we are. Helpful. But not when it comes to health and wellness. In this space it really isn’t about perfection; it’s about progress. It's crucial to understand that setbacks are an inherent part of the journey – they don’t negate the progress made. There is no such thing as a linear line between where you are now and your health goal. It simply doesn’t exist, so give yourself a break.

Embracing Self-Compassion

Why is it that we can be so kind to others and yet we are so hard on ourselves? What if we treated ourselves as if we were our own 5 year old child? Or a best friend? What would that look like? We certainly wouldn’t be calling them ‘dumb’ or ‘lacking in willpower’ or ‘not good enough’. Because we know they are more than good enough, they are wonderful and they are on their journies of learning and growing. We have so much time and compassion for them.

So start to talk to yourself as if you are your own child or someone you love. Embrace the imperfections and treat yourself with kindness and gentleness.

Gratitude

Thank youself for the progress you are making.

Yes, this chestnut. Gratitude is a super power that redirects our attention from what’s lacking or what we haven’t done to what’s present. Instead of berating ourselves, let's reframe our self-talk with gratefulness towards what we have. No matter how small! “I’m grateful I stopped and noticed I was berating myself again just now” - “I’m grateful I did 2mins of meditation today”. It really is that simple but the power of this done consistently is mind blowing!

The power of the full stop.

I learnt this one a while back and again, it’s really powerful. Here is the normal rhetoric. “I ate a cookie today at morning tea. I stuffed my no sugar goal. I’m such an idiot! I know better! Why did I do that? I’m so dumb”. Here is where the power of the full-stop comes in. “I ate a cookie at morning tea. Full-stop” No judgement. No berating yourself. Just a statement of fact. It’s not bad or good, it just is.

So you made a choice and had a cookie. You can now make other choices that support your health. All is not lost. It’s all part of the journey. You wouldn’t dare say those first words to even a friend, why is it ok that you say it to yourself? It’s not. So put a full-stop after that first sentence and move forward.

Ladies, the path to wellness isn’t about beating ourselves up for every misstep. It’s about embracing self-compassion, celebrating progress – no matter how small – and recognising that the journey is as essential as the destination. It’s about empowering ourselves with kindness, understanding, and a mindset that allows for growth.

So, take a deep breath with me, yes right now, and release the burden of guilt, and step forward with kindness, gratitude and your full-stop!

Put the mask on you first, let go of the guilt and thrive again!

Subscribe now to get these blogs delivered direct to your inbox and get your FREE Top Sleep Tips PDF.