Building lasting change
Change isn’t easy.
Oh and don’t I know it! When I started on my health and wellness journey some 23 years ago now, I was all gung ho! I had learnt, I knew I wanted to change and simply went ahead to make the change.
Simple right? Wrong!
The amount of times I went forward one step to then go backwards 3. Beating myself up because “I know better” and “Why can’t I just stick to what I said I would do? Am I that weak?” or better still “I have no willpower”. And the cycle of guilt would begin…not helpful!
Understanding the Challenge
What I didn’t know is that It’s not merely a matter of willpower but often deeply entrenched belief systems. As I say often, our bodies are ancient bio-computers that are wired a certain way.
When it comes to the mind, it’s about protecting us from perceived dangers. Things that might go against our ingrained belief systems can be seen as a danger to us. So to change them is not about flipping a switch but about rewiring these belief systems.
Believe it or not, if you don’t tackle this deeper work your mind will actually work against your wish to change because it perceives this as a danger to you because it goes against your belief system!
You will literally trip your own self up up constantly!
Learning from the Masters
I’ve done quite a bit of research and work in this space over the years and have learnt from Authors like James Clear, in "Atomic Habits," and Kegan and Lahey, in "Immunity To Change," who have shed light on the complexities of habit formation. They teach us that habits are more than actions; they’re a product of our identity and environment.
Below I share the top tips that led me to become alcohol free for a full year in 2019 quite easily! I since have the occasional tipple to be honest but I’m good with that identity.
Start small: Roll out your yoga mat and leave it there until you are ready.
Five Key Tips for Nurturing New Habits
Start Small, Stay Consistent: Break down your goal into manageable, bite-sized actions. Consistency over perfection is the key. Tiny changes, consistently applied, create profound shifts over time. I started my meditation practice with just 3mins a day and then grew that to 5 and now meditate between 10-20mins a day.
Identity Shift: Embrace the identity of the person who embodies the desired habit you want to adopt. So for me, I had to embrace being a teetotaler for a year. Yes, hard to embrace at first to be honest! Then something magic happened, decisions at the point of temptation were a no brainer for me.
It’s when you are in the grey zone that willpower is needed and your mind can work it’s magic against you. Giving you all the reasons why you ‘should reach out for that glass of wine, because you deserve it’!
Create your identity and stick to it. Even if it’s for a month or a year or forever. Whatever works for you.
Environment Matters: Build your environment to support the habit you want to adopt. It’s as simple as putting your gym gear out by your bed so that you don’t need to think about it first thing in the morning. Get that water bottle filled up and on your work desk before you start your day. Simple little things put in your path to help you make it happen without thinking about it.
Embrace Curiosity, Not Perfection: In other words, be kind to yourself. You will make slip-ups. These are part of the process. Instead of self-criticism or guilt, approach setbacks with curiosity and learn from them.
Rely on Rituals: Establish rituals around your new habit. Or as James Clear in “Atomic Habits” says - stack your habits. I have a strong morning ritual now where I get up, do 15mins of journaling, 15mins of meditation and 30mins of yoga. Stacking these habits one ontop of the other makes it so much easier for me to complete them all and set up my day for success. Maybe your ritual is to go for a swim after work or hit the gym at lunch or take Sunday aftenroon to prepare your meals for the week (which hits tip 5 and 3 at the same time!).
Thank yourself for the progress you are making.
Embracing the Journey
Remember, this isn’t a linear process. There will be days of immense progress and moments where you feel stuck and you will want to beat yourself up. DON’T! It’s in these moments of struggle that kindness towards yourself becomes pivotal. Recognise your efforts, no matter how small, and celebrate them.
So stop trying to use willpower or sheer determination to change and start working with the way your own bio-computer is wired and reap the benefits of not only being able to make the changes easily, stick to them but the change itself!
Put the mask on you first, make changes stick and thrive again!
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