Holidaying Hard! - Part One
Holidays are the best! Who doesn’t love a holiday? A break from the day to day life? A chance to experience new things, new cultures, new food and simply to stop!
Over the last two weeks, I was lucky enough to go on a holiday with my husband, Nigel. It was for our 10 year wedding anniversary and an early 50th birthday celebration for me! We went to Tahiti where we both enjoyed a new experience, cruising!
Cruising was brilliant but it isn’t the content of this blog! Check out my facebook if you like travel photos!
This blog is about what a real break can add to your day to day life, apart from the obvious, time to recharge. I learnt a lot on this break but I thought I’d share my two biggest revelations this week and a third around food next week. I hope this either inspires you or reminds you of something you may already know!
Investing in the foundation of your relationship.
I worked with this great finance officer once in the advertising world, who was older and wiser than I. Alongside being great at her role, she also seemed to have this incredible marriage and relationship with her husband that lasted the test of time and 4 kids. They were still the best of friends!
So, as you do, I asked what her secret was. She answered with 4 words: One week every year. Basically since the beginning of their relationship they took off one week every year together, alone, no matter what. It was their investment in their relationship, in themselves. Even in the first year of their first child and every year after that. They always found one week a year to head off together. I suppose in my words ‘putting the mask on their relationship first’.
This has always stuck with me. So, when Nigel and I got together, we both agreed this was important to us both too. For the most part, we’ve made this happen…even with 5 children and 2 big jobs. However, with COVID and a few other things…the last couple of years we’ve not managed to make it happen. Until now! And wow…I can honestly say I am more in love with Nigel now than 10 years ago and that is saying something!! Simply enjoying each other’s company, experiencing adventures together (snorkeling, scuba, island time, did I mention amazing food?) without any of the day to day stress that comes with running a family and a life together, is priceless!! A really important reminder to us both!
I think we really do forget that the basis of any family, regardless of how it’s formed, are the leaders at the top. The original relationship. If that isn’t going well, then I can almost guarantee you the family won’t go well either. It’s like in any organisation, it comes from the top.
So investing some quality, no children, no work, no anything time, other than having fun together, is critical to keeping up that connection. Yes it’s hard to contemplate taking a precious week of holiday time without your children (particularly if they are very young), but I can’t tell you how much it’s worth it. Your children will thank you for it as the family unit will naturally be stronger.
I’m unfortunately seeing quite a few friends (it must be the age) that are splitting up once the kids have left home. There will be many reasons for the split but I do wonder if they had put the mask on their relationship first and invested in themselves, would the outcome be different?
So get out there! If you have kids, I’m sure you can sort them out for one week with family or friends. You don’t need Tahiti (although if you can it’s incredible!) - anywhere that will provide you a real break from your day to day world and ensure you spend time together.
Oh and by the way, if you don’t have a partner, this ‘mask on you first’ principle still works because investing time in your relationship with yourself is equally as priceless! So take a week off to be with you!
Disconnecting from the world
I know you have heard as much as I have how important it is to disconnect from your screen. How we should put them down a good 2 hours before sleep to allow our normal sleep rhythms to kick in. I thought I was pretty good at this and that I wasn’t controlled by my phone…boy was I wrong!
On this trip the reality was that Wifi was really hit and miss and an expensive add on. So we decided we would disconnect for the entire week. We warned our children to call or text if there was an emergency because otherwise, we were not reachable! Does anyone remember, in the ‘old days’ how good it felt not being able to be contacted all day? It still feels as good when you make it happen!
I must admit, at first, it was really strange. I did keep checking my phone for Facebook and Instagram updates. For a Snapchat from my children, a WhatsApp from my fabulous friends….nothing! I literally went through a withdrawal period. I did worry and was even slightly anxious. But then I realised, I was in the middle of the Pacific on an incredible cruise with my best friend…what was my problem!?
So I ditched my phone and the only time I actually took it with me was as a camera! I can’t tell you how liberating it felt to not be connected. To not get the pings. To not quickly check Insta. The time I got back to be able to live in real time was incredible! The literal decompression of not always needing to ‘be on’ was freeing. I reached for my book, rather than my phone. I definitely felt calmer and more in control of my life. I was living life!
Don’t get me wrong, I love my social media, and catching up with friends, but it’s incredible how easily that and streaming has taken over my life. I would also guess many of your lives too!
So upon coming back home I’m integrating this switch off into my life so I can keep this sense of calm and presence. This is what I’m doing:
I’ve deleted all streaming apps from my phone and iPad.
I’ve set up my charging station in my office. So at night my phone and iPad now live in the office and not our bedroom.
I’ve turned ‘sleep mode’ on my phone from 7pm. So no pings, alerts or anything will get through unless it’s one of my children.
I’ve set up some time each day to purposefully interact with social media (both for work and pleasure) and that’s it.
I’m on day 3 of this new approach and still feel calm and in control. I dare you to switch off and give it a go!
Put the mask on yourself and your relationship first, take a week off, disconnect and thrive again!
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